When we discuss our place in a diverse cultural world, we often frame it as Dutch culture versus "the other" culture. However, a recent experience challenged me to think differently about this. While surfing the Pacific west coast of Mexico, I met a local and very skilled surfer. With no waves to catch, we had plenty of time to chat. Despite the casual and friendly nature of our conversation, there was a natural distance between our roles: I was the tourist, and he was the local. He asked for my name and nationality. I gave my usual response: "I'm Dutch. Yes, you can surf in the Netherlands, ha ha." He then shared some things about himself: "I come from a fishing family. I grew up by the sea, just like many of my ancestors. That's why I feel at home here and taught myself to surf. Where did your ancestors come from?"

I know the answer, but I think no one ever asked me that before he did. I realized that my father's family, hailing from the province of Zeeland, were also fishermen. They lived close to the sea for generations, and even our surname was inspired by a species of fish, the codfish. The surfer appreciated this connection. "Then we have that in common. We're both water people." The surfer definitely is, I witnessed that myself. He catched waves with a certain pride and sureness in his movement, as if he truly embodied the element we resided in at that moment in time. 

Yes, it is certainly true that my ancestors were fishermen. Yet I never really talk about my ‘roots’ in this way, back home. In modern society, we tend not to engage deeply with our heritage. We focus on individual development, seeking opportunities far from our birthplace. As we move across countries and continents for education and jobs, the idea of honoring our roots often fades away. We leave behind the need to reflect on our ancestors and their contributions. No need to look back and celebrate who your grandparents were, what they have done or where they stood for. But what if we did? What if family history is still valuable in our modern world? The conversation with the local surfer invited me to rethink the place of family history in our modern society. I come from a family where history definitely plays a role. I am fairly well informed about the lives of my grandparents and the ones before in the family line, especially those on my father’s side. We have a family tree, an archive, a family weapon. Yet those things have been rather information and data to me, not really aware of the potential ways it could be part of my own narrative.

Why bother to rethink our relation to family history? Good question. One could argue that it is a good thing that we got rid of our attachment to family heritage in western societies. Significance of it in society did not always turned out well. If you were born in a poor family during the Middle Ages, then your life would often remain miserable. Fortune only favored the ones born from a rich, royal or wealthy family line. Most western countries now try to strive for equal chances – your place in the world is based upon what you do, not where you come from. And that’s how it is supposed to be. However, there is a psychological price that comes with this development. A price that I bet you also have to pay from time to time, even though you might not know it. Because even though we see ourselves as modern, smart and individual human beings, we lost touch with something that used to fuel humanity in the meaning of life. An element that connected the dots in our brains and gave us a reason to live. Human beings desire attachment, belonging, and connection, meaning, purpose. The relationships we form with other people has always been the go-to for us to create that. Not only with people in our present, but also – and maybe especially – with people in our past and future.

This is where family history comes in, the sense of being part of something that stretches further than one lifetime. In the grand scheme of things, until relatively recently, we typically lived, worked, and raised families as part of tight communities, where we found purpose in the idea of a family –  whether this came from a religious or societal motive. It is called “intergenerational consciousness” within the academic discipline of Heritage Studies. A word representing an awareness as old as humanity itself. We celebrate individualism, while the core of who we are as humans did not really change within those centuries. 

Blame capitalism, neoliberalism, individualism, globalization, technology, or anything else which undoubtedly had a part to play in bringing about such changes. The modern citizen will have to find meaning in other corners of life, which creates tension and pressure on everything that happens in this lifetime. That is why it is so common for members of western cultures to lack purpose, feel lonely and isolated or experience stress. There’s another price which is not paid by us, but by the next generation. Sustainability researcher Rita Vasconcellos Oliveira argues that lack of intergenerational consciousness affects the attitude we hold towards the future. The researcher explains how our ancestors were strongly driven by ideals to create a better future for their offspring – just because we used to have a stronger sense of their family line. We have lost that at the very moment we need it the most. For the first time in history, we are affecting our living environment on a global scale. The modern individual is so busy trying to squeeze all meaning and purpose in one lifetime that it lost this intergenerational sight. Our own short narratives and its unique generation’s idioms seem to deserve more attention than the question of how we build our planet for the future, for most people. 

Back to more positive notes. Yes, it is clear that most of us neglect this intergenerational consciousness. But there is no one on this earth without a family history – plus the fact that we all hold the power to decide a form of history for ourselves. We all ended up in this era of time for some reason, thanks to an interplay of developments at the societal level, which ancestors reacted to from their upbringing, their characters and their situation. Knowing how your family moved through the past will enrich your experience with a sense of responsibility, rootedness and a point of reference. I believe that this is the element we all need. 

The Netherlands as a country is only just 200 years old, meaning that only approximately six or seven of your ancestors were able to call themselves “Dutch”. There have only been about seventy “civilized” generations before you until you came here on earth. With this I mean that you represent a line of seventy of your ancestors that lived in a world that was trying to become as it is today. Another fun fact: it is estimated that 98% of Dutch residents have foreign ancestors. Long story short: we are not individual islands in the here and now. You owe your presence in this lifetime to more than what happened in the years you walk around on this eart. There is more cultural richness and intergenerational depth to a person than merely a nationality. Who are you beyond this young concept of being “Dutch”, what are your roots? Surely, most of us will agree that part of our heritage that we treasure is our individual freedom of thought.

Different places around the world asked for different characteristics in order to survive and thrive. Even different provinces within a small country like the Netherlands asked for unique approaches to life and the world. This means that your family history is truly unique and full of character. Transcultural therapist Kitlyn Tjin a Djie understands all of this as “family wisdom”: ideas, lessons and ways that navigate your family members through the past, up until the moment that you arrived on earth. She asks sharp questions: how has the family moved through traumatic events? How are decisions made? What were key moments to them?  Not all the answers to those questions will be that interesting, sensational or positive, though. There could be some darker sides, if one likes to refer to it as such. I recently met someone who just found out his great great great father was a slave owner – not a pretty fact. But I believe that too is valuable information, as you are the one to decide how to live up to it in your lifetime. It is still a way to “feel” your family history, to question yourself but most importantly – a way to connect with yourself and others on a deeper level. Even if it is not for the literal idea of family history, it can be for the symbols that can be invented around it. 

A national narrative offers plenty of benefits as well. It serves as an accessible symbol to have small talks on planes, for sure. We can be proud of the culture we grew up in. That does not mean that I like to challenge you to research your roots beyond the Dutch identity. “We all feel stronger if we are part of a tapestry,” says Stefan Walters, a family therapist. “One thread alone is weak, but, woven into something larger, surrounded by other threads, it is more difficult to unravel.” Do you know people that are aware of their ancestral background? You will notice that they move differently through life. They feel that they belong to something greater than themselves as an individual, whether it is the family itself or a symbol that represents it. Some research work from the late nineties came across my way, in which I was offered the explanation for this. Researchers found how children with a strong family narrative enjoy better mental health. “Hearing these stories gave the children a sense of their history and a strong ‘intergenerational self’. Even if they were only nine, their identity stretched back 100 years, giving them connection, strength and resilience,” he said. This adds on to a higher self-esteem and a strong drive to create a better future for the generations to come.

There are several ways to engage with your family history, but every “journey home” begins at home. Start having conversations with relatives, rifling through old photos and documents. Your older relatives are living libraries themselves. Their stories will offer you a form of intimacy with your family.You do not have to be a researcher for all of this. Intellectualization will only move us away from the very intention of this article: the act of carrying and thus feeling. It does not have to be complicated and heavy. The local surfer also probably didn’t visit local archives. He just took a symbol that resonated with him and engaged with it. It’s as simple as you want to make it.  That’s why this essay is not about the beautiful time travel through your family history. It is about the experience of universal themes through the past, present and the future. One can consciously draw on the line of lives of those who have gone before you. From there, you can choose how you relate to it and what it symbolizes to you and truly ‘feel’ how that empowers you.

This takes us back to the local I met in the waters of Mexico. “Carrying” the symbol of water is what empowered him. The fact that his ancestors were fishermen, made him decide to identify with water, but also to connect with me. The tourist from another world who turned into an ally when we discovered the element we had in common. Apparently we are not that much strangers as we thought, when rooted in different grounds.